August 30th, 2019

Language

For most of my adult life, I've felt highly intimidated by the idea of learning a new language. And while I've often romanticized the idea of being bi-lingual or even multi-lingual, the fear that I'm just not smart enough has always prevented me from even trying. The best way I can describe my experience of mandatory high school Spanish is "paralyzing" and I failed that class with flying colors.
Spanish wasn't the first class I'd failed, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. In my book, Raising Intuitive Eaters, I talk a lot about the critical messages I internalized as a child that really shaped my self talk and body image. One cruel message in particular that I consistently received from my teachers was, "You'll never make a difference in the world, because kids like you don't make it." (Let's just say, I was a lot to love, as a child.) That tape recorder still plays in my head, sometimes. And it definitely gets louder when when I fail at something, or push myself to try new things. 

Fast forward 15 years.. I've decided to do this language-thing again. And not just try, but go all in. Along the way I have noticed some incredible parallels between learning a new language and Eating Disorder recovery:

1. The rollercoaster of self talk. I've noticed my attitude can shift on dime from positive and empowering, "I've totally got this!" to fear-based and shaming in a given day, "This is getting way too hard. I knew it! I can't do it.." Noticing these thoughts with kindness and curiosity ("Hello, again! right on schedule.") helps me remember that they will leave, and I won't always feel so discouraged. Keep going! Keep practicing.
2. The importance of Acceptance. One of my greatest frustrations and "triggers" to give up on learning a language is when I don't understand WHY it's done that way. It just IS. When the grammar doesn't follow the rules, or it's a completely foreign concept to me... I have to just accept and say, "it just is" or I'll go down the spiral of wanting to give up and feeling hopeless.: This is simply the way I'm being asked to learn. I don't know why. But I still need to learn it." 
   In ED recovery, there are tons of these moments! Sometimes the answers wont seem intuitive or logical, and yet we have to practice acceptance with them. 
3. The importance of immersion. You can learn simple language basics with a class, textbook, or podcast. But that will only take you half way with a new language. To truly embody something as full and complex as a new language, you need to surround yourself with it. Talk with other native speakers, watch movies, listen to the radio, read books, and keep yourself in the stream of this language. As they say, learning a language is, "hammering something into your brain over and over again until you remember it."
   This is especially important when no one around you speaks that language. (Think: intuitive eating, non-dieting, or body positivity)!
4. It's a life-long journey. We are constantly growing and changing, and so are our bodies. So, the journey of learning a new way of being in our body is ongoing. Recovery changes and shifts as we move through different seasons of our life. Sometimes, it means we are re-learning the basics, and looking a things in a whole new way. But stick with it! You are not alone. Find support in as many forms as possible.

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